When you’re so bored…you become angry.

Well maybe not “bored” but there comes a time in your life when you look at how others live their lives and you realize you’re not living your own. That the hours you waste here could be used for so much more!

Something I hate is taking the day off because I’m sick or taking the day and not doing anything. I’m stingy about my PTO (paid time off from work) and so when I do get the time off I’d like to do something worthwhile, so that when I come back, I’m changed.

And yet I have hours every night of “free time” but what do I do with it? Nothing special. I need to realize that some day I will die, and no one will care how many blogs I read, how many articles I’ve up-voted, how many meme’s I was mildly amused at for 2 seconds. Death by a thousand cuts.

No more! (Well for tonight anyhow, we’ll start this battle again tomorrow night.)

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The Ol’ Workstation

Workstation

The Ol’ Workstation.

Where I’m inspired, have epiphanies, create and spend way too much time to myself–all into the dark hours of the morning.

Tomorrow night I’ll be here again. I dread coming back to it when I’m away, but when I’m here, I never want to leave.

Fixin’ is part of the job description

“Eh…close enough”

My job in the Kingdom is to build. Design the layout, lay a foundation, drive in some nails so they hold tight. etc, etc…or so I think. Lately it’s been fixing. Gah! >=^[

It’s like this scene in my favorite movie, Kung Fu Hustle where the girl is trying to fix her broken lollipop and it just crumbles. It is not fun, but I realize it’s part of my job. My beautiful lollipop is my friend I’m trying to help put back together. I try to understand all that she is. I’ve gone back over a year through her blog, reading through everything. I watch all the video clips and listen to all the songs she posts. When she sends me snippets of stories from a video-game, I read those too. But sometimes it feels like I’m just a ghost, floating and unable to tangibly make a difference.

I realize very well that one outcome is that this lollipop stays broken–but damnit to hell, as long I’m around that is neh-ver going to happen. Just as God doesn’t throw us away but continually works to repair us, I can’t give up either. I can not for one, full second consider the option of leaving her broken. I’ve seen her happy and full of that Joie de vivre and I can’t compromise, can’t leave her in her current state.

I want to fly. I want to be where all the parts and pieces are fresh, sturdy, ready to become part of something exquisite and grand. But that all can wait while I work on restoring her because I’ve seen her beauty.