My job in the Kingdom is to build. Design the layout, lay a foundation, drive in some nails so they hold tight. etc, etc…or so I think. Lately it’s been fixing. Gah! >=^[
It’s like this scene in my favorite movie, Kung Fu Hustle where the girl is trying to fix her broken lollipop and it just crumbles. It is not fun, but I realize it’s part of my job. My beautiful lollipop is my friend I’m trying to help put back together. I try to understand all that she is. I’ve gone back over a year through her blog, reading through everything. I watch all the video clips and listen to all the songs she posts. When she sends me snippets of stories from a video-game, I read those too. But sometimes it feels like I’m just a ghost, floating and unable to tangibly make a difference.
I realize very well that one outcome is that this lollipop stays broken–but damnit to hell, as long I’m around that is neh-ver going to happen. Just as God doesn’t throw us away but continually works to repair us, I can’t give up either. I can not for one, full second consider the option of leaving her broken. I’ve seen her happy and full of that Joie de vivre and I can’t compromise, can’t leave her in her current state.
I want to fly. I want to be where all the parts and pieces are fresh, sturdy, ready to become part of something exquisite and grand. But that all can wait while I work on restoring her because I’ve seen her beauty.