Unborn Death

A friend asked me why I didn’t talk more about my first and future born child. Well, for one thing, it’s a secret that my wife wishes to keep until after the we’ve entered the safety zone. But more importantly, I’m not sure what I am feeling.

I know what I should be feeling; joy. Should be feeling joy that this beauty of life is about to take me being a man to another level. That I should be feeling happy that the love my wife and I have will not be diminished for each other but be multiplied in this new creation. That I should be elated that when friends, family coworkers find out, they will be showering us with love and attention relentlessly (only to stop when the baby is born).

That’s what I should be feeling, but if I were being totally honest I’d tell you that I’m having a mild meltdown. Inside the large boardroom on the top floor building of my mind all the heads of managements who were previously smoking their cigars and LOVING LIFE all are sweating bullets. These powerful men with their largesse of time and energy and finances toward our bachelor lifestyle are sitting in stunned silence; paralyzed by something as small as a peanut.

This small little unseen…thing, will impose its will on me. Its very existence threatens the comfortable life I’ve set up by usurping my schedule and finances. The reality of sleepless nights and leaking, liquid feces and sour, acidic vomit on me are like some kind of horror movie. Maybe my perspective will change, that it’ll become like a comedy starring Hugh Grant and Julianne Moore, but right now all I fear is that this thing growing inside my wife is going to F$@K $#!T up!

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3 thoughts on “Unborn Death

  1. So normal, what you are feeling! I was like that, to a degree, and I was the one growing my little man. I wanted him more than the world, but at the same time, I was aware of what i’d be losing. It’s a huge life change, or so it seems before you have bubs. I can guarantee you, though, when you get to know your little person…huh. Nothing else matters. I know I am a woman, and we are obviously different, but when I look at my husband and how he adores our baby… It is just out of this world. Good luck. And don’t worry. You’ll knock it out of the ball park! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. When I told Julie’s dad that I was pregnant and it was his fault, he laid on the couch and stared at the ceiling for over an hour and didn’t say a word.

    These little creatures do eat up your time and money and sanity. It’s so true. They puke and crap all over you. They cry all of the time. At the end of the pregnancy, your wife’s nose is going to be HUUUGGGEEEE. And she’s going to retain all of this water and feel disgusting and sob and sob because they check book won’t balance out.

    And for the first six months you’re going to look and feel like a zombie because of no sleep.

    And I’m telling you – it’s all going to be worth it. I will never have another child because … well it was horrible having to give up all of my time at the age of 19. And I’m not really cut out to be a mother in the sense that I’m not soccer-betty-crocker-mom. But, I wouldn’t trade my kid for the chance to do it over again and not have her. It’s going to be scary and you’re going to be just fine 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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