Regret

My one biggest regret in life was when I made a selfish decision to please my own urges. I just thought about how good it would feel and hey the other person would like it too.

I didn’t care about how the other person felt about me. How it would confuse her that I had stated how I felt about her but how my physical actions could be interpreted differently. How it would shatter an already broken heart.

I never thought that this one event would lead to her having a miscarriage. That it would lead to a lowered self esteem– one that would transform a then proud, waiting-for-marriage-virgin to someone who was consensual with people outside of a relationship.

This and all the other consequences I didn’t think of, all because I had to have my release. Though I’ve tried to rationalize it away, it was one selfish act and one regret that I’ll forever take to my grave.

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4 thoughts on “Regret

  1. You have dwelled on this event for a long time, my friend, but I think we look at things quite differently, you and I.
    You see, in my case, I was not treated so well either and I’ve had people (H) do pretty unthinkable, devastating things to me that ultimately led to a very, very sad time in my life that could have been MUCH better spent in happiness or prosperity instead of in darkness and stasis.
    However, I truly believe that God allows everything to happen for a reason, and that even the ugliest chain of events is leading a person to someplace really great; the place where He has meant for them to be.
    Look at me and my Besty, for example and something she said to me yesterday at dinner: if things had not unfolded the way they did for us, with H and her ex driving us to seek help for all the trauma they put us through, we never would have met and a whole onslaught of amazing adventures would never have occurred.
    You may feel that this terrible thing that you did was just that: terrible, but if you look at the way things unfolded for her – and perhaps have yet to unfold – I’m certain it all was part of the huge plan that God intended for this young lady, and even she will have no regrets by the end of it when she finally ends up where He has meant for her to belong…

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  2. You gotta forgive yourself so that you can move on. It’s unfortunate that it happened. But that doesn’t always happen in every case that someone has casual sex. It just sucks that it had to happen at all, and to a good person like you.

    Liked by 1 person

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