I took this pic over this last weekend at a pool party and it kind of sums up my current life as a parent of a 4 month-old. Everyone was sitting around a table having drinks and smokes BUT not us! The wife, infant and I were set apart from the fun; sitting on the other side of the backyard.
It wasn’t the saddest thing in the world as I didn’t know most of the people there and there was an army guy who held the group hostage with his conversation (which were long-winded accounts of what happened when he was stationed out there, interceded by interrogation/survey of the group, and then switching back to story mode). Starting this post, I thought I was going to lament on how horrible my life is now that I don’t get to do all the things I don’t want to do. That “downing a bottle, belching and passing out” has a less fun context as a parent, but I’m realizing it’s not that bad. I’m not missing out on too much.
So what if I don’t get to regale in all the going-ons with my friends? I’ll be experiencing brand new things with a brand new person who’s experiencing everything for the first time. Hanging out with friends has its perks, but it’s never been about the new restaurant or cool place to hang out, it’s always been about the people you spend it with. What better experience than spending it with someone who will forever be linked to me? Is there anything more bonding than having someone look into your eyes and realize that they love you? That realization my daughter makes when she sees me and smiles makes my heart melt. every. single. time!
I felt and sometimes still feel like my life has been put on hold; that I couldn’t work on all my desires and future aspirations but instead had to deal with this demanding interruption. How bitter it made me feel until I realize that this tiny human is my life now. This is my aspiration and future and that I don’t have to deny my life but integrate my life in her life. Sure it sounds like rationalizing, but at the same time it feels like the truest realization of what life is about, and I can’t wait to get home to see my spawn!