Partying while Parenting

PartyingwhileParenting

I took this pic over this last weekend at a pool party and it kind of sums up my current life as a parent of a 4 month-old. Everyone was sitting around a table having drinks and smokes BUT not us! The wife, infant and I were set apart from the fun; sitting on the other side of the backyard.

It wasn’t the saddest thing in the world as I didn’t know most of the people there and there was an army guy who held the group hostage with his conversation (which were long-winded accounts of what happened when he was stationed out there, interceded by interrogation/survey of the group, and then switching back to story mode). Starting this post, I thought I was going to lament on how horrible my life is now that I don’t get to do all the things I don’t want to do. That “downing a bottle, belching and passing out” has a less fun context as a parent, but I’m realizing it’s not that bad. I’m not missing out on too much.

So what if I don’t get to regale in all the going-ons with my friends? I’ll be experiencing brand new things with a brand new person who’s experiencing everything for the first time. Hanging out with friends has its perks, but it’s never been about the new restaurant or cool place to hang out, it’s always been about the people you spend it with. What better experience than spending it with someone who will forever be linked to me? Is there anything more bonding than having someone look into your eyes and realize that they love you? That realization my daughter makes when she sees me and smiles makes my heart melt. every. single. time!

I felt and sometimes still feel like my life has been put on hold; that I couldn’t work on all my desires and future aspirations but instead had to deal with this demanding interruption. How bitter it made me feel until I realize that this tiny human is my life now. This is my aspiration and future and that I don’t have to deny my life but integrate my life in her life. Sure it sounds like rationalizing, but at the same time it feels like the truest realization of what life is about, and I can’t wait to get home to see my spawn!

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Ball’s in your court

You ever have it in your life when you’re waiting for the other person to make the move? That you can plan accordingly based on what they do? But what if they’ve gone home already? You thought they took the ball home with them, so you’re waiting for them to come back.

But what you don’t realize is that they don’t have the ball, you do. You can do whatever you want with your life. So this bitterness you have at them for moving on with their life and doing whatever they want, achieving whatever happiness they want, it’s not on them, it’s on you. He’s not holding you back from your own happiness, you are keeping yourself from being happy.

But, Sudy, you say, I’m angry at him because we were playing a great game, and now he’s ended it, and I’m angry that he’s ended it. I know darling, but don’t be angry or sad that it’s over, be happy that it happened. Remember that this game was one that interrupted another game, one that went into over time where both players weren’t even going through the motions? Yes, this recent game that just ended, you shouldn’t look at it as a fear that you’ll never have another great game, but you should look at it is as evidence that there’s still a better game to be played. The sooner you leave this behind, the sooner you can start the next one.

All on your own time, darling. I know it still feels fresh, but let’s go before the cleaning crew leaves and turns off the lights on ya huh? Let’s take baby steps, and just head toward the locker room…decision by decision, action by action, and with each piece you let go of this past relationship, i promise to treat you to nachos or a hot dog. Just take my hand.